We live in this society where by woman are responsible for birth control. We are to mutilate, pollute and alter our bodies to fight the natural progression of our fate all in hopes to evade sexual disappointment. Whilst attempting this, our inner woman suppresses the screaming, pounding, anger so we don't have 'inappropriate' outbursts, or in some cases, don't even have consciousness of it. We are taught to think that we can be in control of our fertility and by that, able to shut the whole process down. Narcissism at its finest. The belief that one can contrive and control oneself to an obsessional finite goal. I'm sick of it.
I just got my 5th IUD of my life. 4 months ago i had my last one taken out and promised it was my last, but today when i had my 5th IUD implanted i knew something was off. The physical procedure went fabulously, of course, they've been practicing it for decades. The entire emotional component was surprising, uprising and unacknowledged or supported by doctor. We played god, together, again. I implanted a device made of the same material they conduct electricity by into my uterus at the peak age of my fertility. I didn't even flinch at the uterine contraction, my uterus rejecting this foreign object while the doctor calmly talked to me about the potential for infertility with infection and the risks of perforation. She removed the cold metal clamps from my vagina and left me alone bleeding on the table..... ``All went well``......
Where does a woman fit in this misogynistic society while striving to be a professional? Where is the compassion for a woman and the time for her to take for herself to contemplate the choices she does have with regards to her fertility, while grasping to keep up with her counterparts, colleagues? Where did i learn that sex is how you please your partner? A commercial? At what age did i adopt the idea that physical pleasure is more important than your primal fate? So much more so that we have conjured multiple forms of detrimental birth control just so we can have that pleasure, drug ourselves mid orgasm with oxytocin to believe we are connected...."in love", but not procreate. When did i adopt the feeling of disappointment or rejection when my partner was tired and couldn't make love to me, instead of the compassion to help rejuvenate and facilitate them to restore themselves to be the best person they can because i actually love them? Why are we as a society not encouraged to think anymore, but to always accept a norm thought about by someone else?
So today i am left to contemplate, to bleed, to feel angry, to not silence myself and to start thinking for myself. For that i am thankful. For the woman inside that can speak so loud that i hear her, i am thankful. For the choices we do have, I am thankful. For the ability and invitation to share the bane of a modern professional woman who basically has everything, i am thankful, as i believe it is all relative. We will figure it out, together, and not forget to talk about it, to share, to love, and to continue to educate. And for that, I am very thankful.
