I was recently asked to comment on the below statement for a course assignment. So I did. And here it is.
"ALL PEOPLE HAVE THE RIGHT TO FREEDOM OF ANY SEXUAL THOUGHT, FANTASY OR DESIRE"
Q: How do you feel about this statement?
I feel like modifying it - and dissecting it.
People do (and should, I believe) have the right to freedom of any sexual thought. We all have strange, odd, embarrassing or gruesome thoughts sometimes. As long as we reflect on those thoughts and inquire into them, I believe it is normal, harmless and acceptable to have freedom of thought, including sexual ones.
Fantasies and desires are much the same, but (in my mind) may be more intensely correlated with action i.e. more likely to drive someone to carry out the fantasy or seek what they desire. Anyone does and should have the right to their fantasy and/or desire – but again, I believe it is important to examine these feelings by asking where they are derived from, where they might lead to and most importantly, what role would the sexual partner(s) have?
There are many kinky fantasies and unusual desires that make sex extra exciting, fun and pleasurable. For some people, these wishes might be secretive and only revealed in certain environments or relationships. This might be representative of an increased comfort level and a really positive dynamic or space.
On the other hand, when it comes to fantasies and desires, there is a lot out there is harmful and walks a fine moral line. The word “any” in the above statement automatically makes me think of the most obscure, unusual and generally uncomfortable sexual situations. Take the movie “crash” for example, where the main character has sex with victims of car crashes. Or rapists who find forced sex arousing. Or men who like to watch child pornography. I know these are grim examples, but the point I am making is that although people have the freedom of thought, fantasy or desire, they do not have that same freedom to act on anything they feel. And when they do, they face charges/convictions for sexual assault or other sexual offences under the Criminal Code of Canada. My believe is that sexual abuse often stems from preexisting unhealthy thought patterns, fantasies or desires; however, the danger is not in those feelings themselves, but is in acting them out in a situation where the other person does not consent or does not realize the extent of what they are consenting too.
The question of consent poses further ambiguity. What if both people involved were highly intoxicated and in agreement, but one person ends up seriously hurt? Were they competent to make their own decisions, or recognize the potential consequences? What were the other person’s intentions? Did they even have any?
I believe sex is a very powerful thing. It can lead people to do things to people, with people or to themselves that can result in feelings of shame, guilt, regret, confusion, pain, jealousy, low confidence, humiliation – and a whole slew of other negative emotions. It can lead to legal action, divorce, unemployment, unwanted pregnancy, infectious disease and death. It can also be the most intimate, safe, sensual, enjoyable, comical and fun activity you can do with yourself or others and lead to personal growth, interpersonal bonding, experimentation, discovery, confidence and positive procreation! Anything that can elicit such a range of emotions and do as much harm as good is something that should be clearly understood and responsibly engaged in.
If the quote (from an unknown source) holds any truth and “thoughts become things!” then in an ideal world, all people would have the right to freedom of any sexual thought, fantasy and desire and a responsibility to manifest these thoughts selectively and responsibly.
