Make Love Not Porn

My oh so attentive partner pulled up a TED talk he learned about from the BBC tonight, with the following introduction "honey, would you ever think of watching porn with your kids?".

Well, I don't have kids. And when I consider that possibility, I wouldn't say that watching porn with them was something I had thought about. BUT I am all about sexual health and I think that Cindy Gallop (the woman on the TED talk) is onto an interesting concept. Using porn at a platform for healthy conversations around sex.

Being the first time I have written on this blog since...May...words are coming slow but check out this site if you are curious to learn more. 

smart-phones, smart-babies

The article below, while shocking and strange to me feels like a testament to how sad our society has become in our perception of health and safety. An equally appalled doctor friend posted this on facebook with the descriptor: "make your nursery into an ICU....crazy!".

Right. ICU = Intensive Care Unit. Well, that is basically what these digital pajamas do. Offer intensive observation for your perfectly healthy baby to satisfy your perfectly paranoid mind. Tracking infant ECG's to a laptop or smart phone....Rogers!?...World!?...are you out of your mind!? This product has obviously emerged to appeal to the increasingly large number of vulnerable parents terrified by the concept of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), which is the unexplained death of infants, often when they are sleeping.

I was chatting with a pregnant friend last night. She had just returned from a week-end camping trip with two other couples and their infants. Both babies under 1 year old, one of them under 2 months old. She explained the quiet nights, the relaxed attitude, the fresh coastal air, the snuggly babes wrapped in down and little red noses peaking out. She explained that the babes slept with their parents, in a sleeping bag, in tents, in the woods. 

The fact that this was (a) shocking to me and (b) heroic is a reflection of how we have evolved in our precautions around infant sleep...and our attitudes - in general - about modern medicine, health and mortality. To be totally honest, I don't buy into it. And this is a personal thing. For me, and for everyone. This is really not a discussion to delve into here, but I can't help but question our obsession with monitoring every breath we take towards the ultimate goal of longer life. Traditionally, medical interventions have been intended to save or prolong life. Now, they are being designed to confirm it?  

Yes, they are still breathing. Yes, their heart is still beating. 


This is an especially dominant theme when it comes to infants. You often see health professionals reliant on monitors (at times when it is not necessary), and this leads to parental dependence as well. I hear lots of mums say "I want that monitor the whole time" as they are going into labour. And what is often over-looked is the false sense of control that this technology offers, not to mention the potentially harmful side-effects or unnecessary (and also potentially harmful) interventions that are correlated with hyper-monitoring. Technology is not always the most accurate. Everyone who has used a manual blood-pressure cuff knows this! It is more reliable, but not as fast, and requires human skill. God forbid we actually had to use our hands and ears to assess a person. 

We - as health care professionals, as mothers, as parents and as human beings - are losing our senses. What happened to sensing and feeling. To intuition, touch and pain. 

Perhaps this rant (I fully admit to this heavily biased diatribe) was unjustified. After all, we are all just humans adapting to the norms of our society, and protecting our young. And until the FDA approves this contraption, who am I to freak out about it's popular use. 


But I can say - for sure - that despite everything I have learned and had to teach to new mum's about infant sleep (never in a fluffy blanket or sleeping bag, never on top of or next to mum or dad while they sleep, never on their side, never in the same bed...), the image of my friends nested in down with their sweet sleeping baby was magical to me. I guess because I feel more and more people will be less likely to do this after hearing nurses (like me) caution them about all the ways they shouldn't sleep with their babies as they are leaving hospital doors and entering the wild world. 

But let's face it. Most parents are too tired to listen. And most parents will choose not to. Because no matter how hard people try, nobody can tell someone how to be a parent. And I can only hope to ignore (some) of the paranoia that my nursing education has inevitably indoctrinated me with so that when my children look back at family photos, they will be of crazy family adventures in the woods. and minus the space-age pajamas. 

Because they will most likely live to see those family photos without them.

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Baby PJs fitted with heart monitors, motion sensors

Back to Watchlist The perfect tool to help you manage and track your investments.

Toronto— The Canadian Press

Published Tuesday, May. 08, 2012 3:42PM EDT

First there was audio, then video, now baby monitors have gone really high-tech.

Rogers announced Tuesday that it has partnered with U.S.-based biomedical engineering company Exmovere Holdings Inc., for the launch of digital pyjamas, called Exmobaby, later this year.

The machine-washable outfit has embedded sensors and a AAA-battery powered wireless transmitter that beams information to a computer, smartphone or tablet.

The manufacturer claims the product can perform electrocardiogram tests to measure electrical activity in the heart, monitor skin temperature and movement, and detect mood changes.

Rogers will be the exclusive provider of wireless service for the product.

Exmovere says the product sends data from the pyjamas once a minute and emits minimal radiation. The product does not have the approval of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

Rogers says it stands behind the product and believes it is completely safe.

There is no firm release date or pricing information available.

See article online here: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/technology/gadgets-and-gear/gadgets/baby-pjs-fitted-with-heart-monitors-motion-sensors/article2426579/?ref=nf

Birth Art

Wow. 

I have really succeeded in neglecting this blog lately. I guess big pick-up trucks and snow storms have been distracting me. 

Anyways, I came across this piece today and felt it worthy of sharing. 

Some inspiration for all you pregnant ladeez out there. 

Post-partum Depression

Having never had a baby or true bout of depression, I find it hard to comment on this link posted below except to say that I have learned a lot (in theoretical terms) about both birthing and mental health, as well as the impact of the two combined - particularly in the postpartum period - and I admire this woman for her courage in sharing this powerful story with the world.

I came across this individual through various connections with "the birthing community" and eventually stumbled upon her blog. She is someone who worked with and helped other birthing women long before she herself gave birth. It is a deep and dark account of her fight to recognize, manage and overcome postpartum depression - a tremendous obstacle that many women are faced with at a time in their life when they "should" be full of thanks and joy.

With respect,

http://asheya.blogspot.com/2012/01/post-partumsadd-depression-coming-out.html

This chick is a-maze-ing

http://bitchesgottaeat.blogspot.ca/

Bring on Birthing Centres!

I was super excited to see this article today. It's been a long time coming and in my opinion, an obvious and necessary shift in how we facilitate birth. I think birth centres are the ideal compromise between hospital and home for women who want to avoid the medicalization of childbirth, but feel safer knowing that those interventions are there if warranted. 

I hope these Ontario pilots are a success and that we see this influence birthing facilities across the country!

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/story/2012/03/20/toronto-birthing-centres.html

ahhhhh!

I'm having an identity crisis. Last night I dreamed of a lesbian lover. Today, I considered drinking my coffee black. And at the end of this week I am scheduled to interview for more school only six weeks away from graduating with my second professional degree.

"I learn by going where I need to go"....thank you Theodore Roethke. But on the other hand, it's terrifying now more than ever. Timing and midwifery have never gone hand in hand for me, but I have recently rejoined my wonderfully exceptional husband and started a new chapter of my life in the north (which I looooove). Just when I feel so satisfied by this move and my new life here, my own actions and aspirations have come back to haunt me. 

When I feel this urgency to continue further down this path, I find myself hearing my husband's voice in my head: "will this ever end?". And I can't answer that. Which part? The need to continuously seek and connect with like-minded people; seek to improve myself and to empower others; look for opportunities to travel and share knowledge; live to feel inspired; lap up pregnancy and birthing knowledge like it's icey cold chocolate milk? I know this isn't what he means. What he means is why right now!? Or why can't I find this satisfaction in nursing!? I don't know the answer to this either...except that I want to learn anything and everything I can about midwifery and birth and I want to learn it now.

I have saved every midwifery application I've submitted in the past...every letter of intent, letter of reference, interview offer and letter of rejection (two of those, so far). I'm not sure why. Maybe it's to remind myself when I try to go at this again that fate is against me and to save myself the burden of walking full stride into a panel of rejection. Maybe it's so that I can wear my heart on my sleeve in the form of a scrapbook that I will send in the mail to my parents in the hopes of somehow simmering their disapproval. Or maybe it's so that one day when I am a midwife and I get cold-called by a curious and enthusiastic prospective midwifery student (like I have done so many times), I can look back at this journey of mine and remember what it was like.

Becoming a midwife is a notoriously frustrating process for most. When and where to do so continues to lie in the looming arms of various ten-person speed dating committees who have dumped me at least once under the impression that it's best to remain friends. In fact, that is likely where my problem lies. Even though the timing is not great (i.e. god awful terrible), I have this anxious feeling like (a) I got the chance to interview again and so many other folks didn't, (b) I could apply for ten more years and not ever get an interview again, and (c) I could interview for ten more years and not get a seat. So I'd simply regret not going for this interview - despite the cost, and disruption to my life right now. Period. But - and here's the catch - I'd equally regret not actually accepting if I had the chance. And I'm just not convinced that the timing or this program itself is perfect for me.

But I do not strive to live a life of perfection. That is a slippery slope of disappointment...

So why is (has) this decision been so repeatedly difficult for me!? I look at other women who have become midwives. Who have left their homes, their families, their previous degrees and careers and most of all anyone who thought they couldn't or shouldn't do it behind in their pursuit of their dream to be midwives. They did it despite the bad timing, or the inconvenience, or the cost, or the strain. I remember talking to a midwife for advice a few years ago before applying the first time. She told me that midwifery was a calling, not a choice. That you basically can't resist it. And that's been so true for me. I'm waiting to forget all about it. Seriously. Then I could just stay put, hunker down, be a good nurse, save some money, buy a house, have some kids, and be there for every one of their birthdays.

I'm trying to make a prophylactic decision that will prevent further complicating my just settling life, but I think it's a lose-lose (how depressing is that!?) situation. I either get in, which is hard, because here's this thing I've wanted and worked hard for, but it's in Vancouver and I'm not and I don't want to go back. Or, I don't get in and then "whapbam!" there's another big fat blow to your confidence and ego...ya know, the thing that convines you that you are made for this career...but guess what, you are NOT. Or, I just don't go. But we talked about that option already.

Maybe I am not as settled as my circumstances suggest. Maybe what I am doing now is not the be all and end all. Maybe it will all still be here in 4 years. Maybe I am still the flighty, passionate and unpredictable change addict I have always been, but it just so happens that all my life's choices have collided for a brief moment in an odd combination of stability.

Midwifery challenges me more than anything I have encountered in my life. The model of care and what it represents, and the potential for me to withhold that place in society, is terrifying, exciting, empowering, and utterly inspiring.

This is an energy I'm sure I don't want to lose. But it seems to come at a price. For anyone. At anytime.

The Moon Inside You | Film

I would love to watch the full version of this film!

Doulas Branch Out To Support Women Through Abortions

It turns out that the supportive role that doulas provide to women giving birth is equally suitable and  appropriate for women terminating birth. The comfort measures that a doula can offer extend beyond the labour setting and into abortion clinics where women also face emotionality and physically challenging circumstances. Over the past 4 years, The Doula Project in New York has been training volunteer doulas for this exact purpose. Click on the image to read more about these doulas and the inherent controversy on the womens e-news site.

Contraception Comedy

haha :)

Vatican Dispatches Elite Team Of Bishops To Sabotage Contraceptive Manufacturer 

The Onion | March 6, 2012 | ISSUE 48•10

Mum, It's International Women's Day

Today as I was watching the news for the second time over, mulling over what to write about on my women's blog on women's day, I was struck by a story about the statement "whatever a man can do, a woman can do too". It was about the increasing number of women choosing a career in the trades.

I could almost hear the casette tape squeal as my life rewinded before my eyes to the day my mum walked in the door from work with a gift for me....my very own "Business Barbie".

The things is, the concept of a stunning woman dressed in a power suit wasn't exactly a foreign concept to me. Aprons and casseroles were. I spent every morning standing on a chair behind my mum curling my atrocious bangs (somebody should have stopped me!), while my beautiful mother stood in her power pumps and power suit and applied her bright red power lipstick.

My mum actually was Super Mom. She slogged her way through a painful divorce with her head held high, heels tapping the ground ahead and red power lipstick leading the way. She was a devoted mother, single parenting while fighting her way up the ladder of men she worked with at her large advertising agency until she found herself in one executive role after the next at a time when women just didn't do that (ahem, Mad Men). Just couldn't be that. Especially not mom's. And if they did, then they'd be practically famous for it. And she was.

Amongst other media attention for agency awards and successful campaigns, in 1999 my mother was listed in Chatelaine's Who's Who in Canadian Women - a book documenting the incredible achievements of women. Now, I remember thinking this was pretty cool. I also remember thinking that maybe this was the reason she had never made me a packed lunch ;) But this publication was also released the year before I started a degree in mechanical engineering. And two summers before I went tree planting. And 5 years before I would backpack through Muslim countries and then settle back in Vancouver to work with an energy developer, spending nights on end as the only woman in remote construction camps.

Hmmm. Coincidence? I think not.

My sister laughs now and says I have become domestic. I look at the 9 men out of 111 nursing students and also shake my head. A lot of my identity as a minority woman - exhibiting strength just by being in a certain environment was challenged when I recently made certain choices that led me away from that persona and straight into a copious amount of estrogen. But I am still doing it in my own way. I'm so thankful - to my mother - for her strength and for passing it on to me. For calling bullshit on the status quo. Because I didn't just grow up being told that women could do anything, I grew up living that truth.

Understanding Ultrasound

I've just been doing some reading on routine second trimester ultrasounds from the Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (SOGC) guidelines (i.e. when they should be done and what they are looking for). Contrary to the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists who believe the scan should be performed between 20 and 23 weeks, the SOGC recommends doing the ultrasound between 18 and 22 weeks for best results. This scan is used to detect abnormalities related to fetal development (anatomy/size), the mother's anatomy (pelvis/bladder) and the location of the placenta (see SOGC guidelines for details). Research has shown that early detection leads to improved outcomes for mum and baby due to the opportunity for early termination or specialized prenatal care.

It has been suggested that the detection of the baby's sex be postponed from 20 to 30 weeks to avoid termination of females. An editorial recently published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal reported Canada “a haven for parents who would terminate female fetuses because they want sons [due to] developments in easy access to abortion and advances in prenatal sex determination". The article also mentions that although there are federal laws that ban sex-selection through in-vitro fertilization, this does not "protect the resulting fetus from subsequent termination on the basis of sex" (see article for more information).  The SOGC does not agree that this is an appropriate way to avoid these abortions, stating that they "do not believe that the value a family places on a female child can be addressed by withholding information" (see SOGC's position statement for details).

Ultrasound is generally viewed as a safe procedure and there is no conclusive evidence (to my knowledge) that states otherwise. However, health care providers tend to limit it's use due to either the unnecessary cost and/or potential for unknown side effects.

Curious about your clit?

My sister recently sent me this link on the hidden anatomy of the clitoris. Turns out it looks more like a cross-section of a lotus flower than the little nubbin we are more familiar with - and - is complete with a sensitive head, foreskin and erectile tissue (reminiscent of it's cellular origin since both male and female genitalia are derived from the same place).

"Humans have been studying one another sexually for thousands upon thousands of years. Yet for all that time spent diligently exploring one another's anatomies, there remain many features of the human form that, until very recently, have gone uncharted . . . We now understand how the erectile tissue of the clitoris engorges and surrounds the vagina – a complete breakthrough that explains how what we once considered to be a vaginal orgasm is actually an internal clitoral orgasm"

I don't think this is really a "breakthrough" as this knowledge has been around for a long time, but this article disseminates it in a particularly concise and accessible manner. I, for one, just learned something new!

http://io9.com/5876335/until-2009-the-human-clitoris-was-an-absolute-mystery?utm_source=io9+Newsletter&utm_campaign=19006e548e-UA-142218-29&utm_medium=email

Taking Back Birth

(I posted a link to this article almost a year ago, but during a conversation with a friend over coffee this morning I realised that her words deserve more attention than that. Links are too optional!)

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Today, May 5th, is International Day of the Midwife. This year, it's my Mother's Day.

By: Stephanie Trevorrow

May 5, 2011

4

AdLib Mom is a ticket into the world of parenting 

on this manic planet, every second Thursday.

Something happened to me this January, something transformational.

I became a mother.

I was, in fact, already a mother, having given birth to a wonderful boy two years ago, but   I was robbed that time around: all I got out of it was a baby. (Obviously I’m kidding.)

I was robbed of that feeling, that transcendental moment when a woman crosses the threshold from regular person to giver of being and breath; that moment of euphoria that sweeps over you when your child is released from your life into his own.

My child was extracted from me with giant salad tongs while I was under the influence of massive amounts of drugs; my body was numb and my mind loopy. I never had a chance to feel myself crossing that threshold. I never felt anything — and that’s not how I wanted it.

I had been birthing naturally for hours when the head nurse came in and asked me to tell her, again, why I didn’t want the epidural. “You’re too tired to do this,” she said. “You need something for the pain.”

Shouldn’t I be the judge of my own strength? I thought. Shouldn’t I be the one calling mercy?
In my vulnerable state, having fear instilled in me, I made the tragic mistake of allowing my very bored-looking ObGyn to break my waters. That one intervention led to chaos: forms of consent were thrust into my face and next thing you know there was a needle up my spine. Conveniently, ten minutes before hospital shift change, my child was plucked and sucked out of me in the OR.

My comedown was violent; I shook for five hours and was unable even to hold my dazed and dopey, little purple baby. He had deep lacerations on his face from the forceps and it took a whole week before he would breastfeed.

The Samurai of birth

So how did things turn out so differently this time? I met a midwife.

With her support, alongside incredible doulas, we had a homebirth. We walked, laughed, ate good food, drank tea, listened to music, and at the end there was a beautiful, healthy baby with us. Most importantly, I felt safe, comfortable, unafraid and superhumanly strong.

I’m willing to bet that the majority of people think midwives disappeared during the Middle Ages, alongside chastity belts and guillotines. It may come as a surprise to hear that in most countries in the world babies are born under the care of a midwife and that the World Health Organization is striving to make midwives the prototype for birth attendants everywhere.

A gifted midwife can tell you the weight of your baby just by touching your belly. By the flush of your cheeks she may know how far dilated you are or how close your contractions may be. A midwife will support you and your bum—less tearing and swelling. She will crawl under you and twist herself into a contortionist to get a fetal heart rate rather than disturb your position of choice. She might even simultaneously knit your baby a hat.

Above all else, she will not tell you you can’t do it. She knows your body was built for this; that you the one who really delivers your baby onto this world.

Although midwives are trained to deal with almost any birth complication, they and the natural births they promote have been cast aside in North America, in favour of medicalized birth, even in low-risk situations.

Intervention Overload

Indisputably, birth can occasionally become dangerous. Sometimes emergency medical intervention is required. We are fortunate, in Canada, to have a health care system that provides for us, and we have modern medicine to thank for saving countless lives over the last two hundred years.

But the number of births which actually require medical intervention is very low. While many women are told that Cesarean is the only option for a breech baby, or that one Cesarean necessitates subsequent Cesarean-births, this simply is not the case.

The risk of severe maternal outcomes is three times more likely in Cesarean delivery than in a regular delivery. While the WHO recommends that Cesarean birth should be reserved for emergency situations only, the rate in Canada is around 27%. Countries such as the Netherlands, Sweden, Norway and Denmark, where midwives attend the majority of births, have the lowest rates of emergency Cesarean and lead the world in low infant and maternal mortality rates.

The abuse of the medical intervention in healthy, low-risk situations disrupts a natural process, tears us from experiencing a very important rite of passage and can cause more harm than good.

Statistics have shown that babies born to mothers administered drugs for pain, or to augment or induce labour, are less responsive and have more trouble breastfeeding than those born without.

One former president of the International Federation of Obstetricians and Gynecologists stated  “pitocin is the most abused drug in the world today.” It is estimated that almost 1 in 3 births in Canada are induced using drugs such as pitocin, even though studies have shown that exposure to these substances can cause fetal distress.

Think about it: you can’t eat soft cheese, but you can have an intravenous chemical cocktail? I say: Cervical polyps? Call an ObGyn. Having a baby? You need a midwife.

Birth is not a pathological problem

This is not to say that mothers who give birth using drugs or other interventions are irresponsible. We place our trust in our health care providers, and every women in labour wants the same thing: a safe delivery of her baby onto earth.

But treating every labour like a possible emergency is like carrying around a tank of oxygen when you are healthy and breathe perfectly well—just in case. And as for the pain? It’s pain with a purpose: to tell you how and when to move; to help you give life.

Midwives can help us birth naturally, in an environment we feel comfortable in, be it the hospital or home. They are skilled in helping babies out without fancy tools and drugs. I’ve given birth both ways, and I would never go back.

But next time, I may not have the choice: there is currently no legislation in Newfoundland allowing midwives to practice. Bill 17 has been passed, but without funding and actual legislation, trained midwives – who may not be as willing to buck the system as my midwife was – cannot help the many women who need their support.

It’s about choice: every mother-to-be should have the right to give birth the way she wants to. Every woman and every labour are different; I would never take modern obstetrics from a woman who felt she needed to birth this way, so how can hundreds of thousands of years worth of successful birthing and the wisdom of an ancient tradition – a tradition that works, that is safe, that is proven – be denied those who rely on it?

Today, May 5th, is International Day of the Midwife. This year, it is my Mother’s Day.
(I am so eternally grateful, Jayme, for your rebel spirit, and for helping me and so many other mamas and babes cross that threshold.)

ORGASM INC.

It is not particularly novel concept to hear that the pharmaceutical industry makes their money finding ways to fix what is (or isn't) broken in our bodies. But perhaps the context in which this message is relayed in this film will intrigue you, as it did me.

I'm personally curious to learn more about "designer vaginas", and medicine that teaches you how to find your clitoris.

Perhaps you're curious to learn that "female sexual dysfunction" is a disease. Much like PMS, or pregnancy for that matter. Anyway, if you live in Vancouver, it's playing free on Feburary 9th at the UBC Chan Centre. 7 pm. 

Trailer here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUY-iTf2T1A&feature=player_embedded

See you there.

power

i left the birth
feeling

utterly deflated.
defeated.
demeaned.
degraded.

how can a woman -
(She who gives life,
She who is designed to give life) -
be told she doesn't know

how!?
how to breath
how to push
how to be

how not
to
move
or
make a sound.

"look at me"
the nurse demands.
"look at yourself",
i think.

i feel so
small.
i wonder how She
feels...

perhaps,
what i'm really feeling
is entitled
to her perfect birth.